Please note, this page is satirical. The list presented here is the best writing advice I’ve ever read, as presented by Kurt Vonnegut in his short story collection Bagombo Snuff Box, that I jokingly refer to as commandments. Good writing is not defined by obeying these rules, but rather, it is about knowing how and when to break them in a way that does not injure the writing (a nuance that I myself am far from mastering). The emphasized phrases are not provided by Kurt Vonnegut, but are shorthand terms that I use to reference a specific commandment in my book reviews.
- Rewarding Venture: Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
- Favourable Character: Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
- Wishful Cast: Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
- Pithy Exposition: Every sentence must do one of two things—reveal character or advance the action.
- Penultimate Plot: Start as close to the end as possible.
- Cruel Author: Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them-in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
- Target Audience: Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
- Full Disclosure: Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To hell with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.